Dreams are things that we either unabashedly work towards — or we keep them close to our hearts, unwilling to chase them because they might not come true.

God, I’m terrified of publishing this.

I have a big confession to make.

I love the show Survivor. I would go on the show in a heartbeat.  This year, in my year-list of goals and aspirations, one of the things on my list was an insatiable desire to be on the show Survivor. Yup, the television show.

Survivor? Being on a show that blends teamwork, psychology, athletic feats, exploration, camping, and a little bit of television? Color that AWESOME.

To be fair: I don’t think I stand much of a shot of actually getting ON the show. But I wanted to apply, nonetheless.

Is it pragmatic? Is it realistic? Is it possible?

I’m not really sure.

Pragmatism and realism should be thrown out the window when you begin dreaming of anything you want to do.  If we were to ask, “does it make sense?” The answer would be: Probably not. But I caught myself – more than once – sitting on the couch and watching the team battles, realizing full well that I was sitting on the couch stupidly doing NOTHING about this inkling of a dream that I had.  And so, this past winter, I made a vow to myself that I would apply and at least TRY to be on the show. Reserving all judgment, I would spend a few days putting together an application.

A great mentor of mine says, “If you don’t apply, the answer is already No.”

That is,  if you don’t put yourself in the running, you’ve already taken yourself out of consideration. This is really important to note: If you apply 10 times and you get 10 rejections, this is NOT the same thing as never applying in the first place. After each attempt, you learn, you grow, you get better. Also, the chances are that you’ll get 9 rejections and then ultimately get a positive response. Work for it.

So I put together a video, much to the help of some great friends and a whirlwind day on a motorcycle in San Francisco. And here it is, a testament to my zany quest to check off my goals and make things happen.

So put together a video application to be on Survivor.

This is part of a larger dream of mine to become a public speaker and teach people – audiences – about motivation, inspiration, and the psychology behind behavior and business decisions. To teach and speak about the intersection of business, design, and building great projects (big or small) is a huge dream of mine.  Yes, I’ll admit it: I sometimes like public speaking. Sure, it makes me nervous. Yes, I’m more introverted than extroverted and it completely exhausts me. Heck, it gives me stomach quivers and my palms get sweaty and I have sharp pangs of self-doubt. My voice gets shaky and I’ve bombed terribly before.

But I keep getting up. Something about it draws me back. I really like explaining things to people and I like doing difficult things and getting better at them.

So I put together an hold-nothing-back video for the sake of applying for the show.

The video is something a bit more arrogant than I like to be, but, well, I want to be on Survivor.

And as for the outcome of the video? Well, I probably won’t be on Survivor, after all. In fact, the season I applied for (Survivor: Redemption Island) is already in the midst of airing, and guess what – I’m not on the show.  My guess is that they don’t need another blond-ish gal from California.  But each time I get up, each time I practice, each time I rehearse: I get a little bit better. And better. And hopefully one day, I’ll be able to speak confidently in front of more people, in front of crowds, and teach whatever accumulated knowledge I have to people who are keen on learning. It might not be on Survivor. It might be somewhere else.

But for now, it’s me, the internet, and my short (and not very good) video audition for the show Survivor.

For many of you I’ve never met, consider this a hello across the internet.

I am still terrified to publish this.